September 2010 – Debby Hallett

List of feeling words

Some people have told me it’s hard to find the word that expresses how they feel. That’s understandable, so I created a list. It’s just a starting place; how you feel may be a word that’s not on this list. That’s OK. Use what works for you!

I feel surprised when I see how many feeling words I found, because on my first pass I only came up with 18.

Abandoned	Absorbed	Accepting	Admiring
Adoring	Affectionate	Affirmative	Affronted
Afraid	Aggravated	Agitated	Alarmed
Amazed	Ambitious	Amorous	Angry
Annoyed	Anxious	Apathetic	Apprehensive
Ashamed	Attracted	Awed	Besmirched
Bewildered	Bitter	Bleak	Blissful
Bored	Bothered	Brave	Bright
Broken	Buoyant	Calm	Capricious
Captivated	Carefree	Caring	Cautious
Certain	Changeable	Cheerful	Cheerless
Close	Comfortable	Compassionate	Complacent
Concerned	Confident	Confused	Considerate
Contemptuous	Contented	Converted	Convinced
Corrupted	Courageous	Cross	Cruel
Crushed	Curious	Cynical	Damaged
Defeated	Defensive	Defiant	Defiled
Definite	Degraded	Delicate	Delighted
Depressed	Desecrated	Despairing	Desperate
Despoiled	Determined	Devoted	Dirtied
Disappointed	Disbelieving	Discouraged	Disgraced
Disheartened	Dishonoured	Disillusioned	Dismal
Disobedient	Displeased	Disregarded	Distant
Distraught	Distressed	Distrustful	Disturbed
Doubtful	Dreary	Dubious	Dull
Eager	Earnest	Ecstatic	Edgy
Elated	Embarrassed	Empowered	Enchanted
Encouraged	Engaged	Engrossed	Enraged
Enraptured	Enthralled	Enthusiastic	Erratic
Evasive	Exalted	Exasperated	Excited
Exhilarated	Exultant	Fantastic	Fascinated
Fearful	Festive	Fouled	Friendly
Frightened	Frustrated	Furious	Glad
Gloomy	Goaded	Grateful	Grieving
Grim	Gripped	Grumpy	Harmed
Hateful	Heartbroken	Heated	Held
Helpful	Helpless	Hesitant	Hopeful
Hopeless	Horrified	Hostile	Humble
Humiliated	Hurt	Hysterical	Ignored
Immersed	Impaired	Impatient	Impulsive
Incensed	Inconsistent	Indecisive	Independent
Indifferent	Indignant	Infuriated	Injured
Inquisitive	Insecure	Inspired	Intent
Interested	Intrigued	Involved	Irate
Irresolute	Irritated	Jealous	Joyful
Joyous	Jubilant	Jumpy	Kind
Light-hearted	Livid	Lonely	Loving
Low	Loyal	Mad	Marred
Mean	Melancholy	Mesmerized	Messed up
Miserable	Misunderstood	Moody	Mortified
Murky	Nervous	Obsessed	Offended
Ominous	Open	Optimistic	Outraged
Overwrought	Panicked	Passionate	Patient
Peaceful	Peeved	Persuaded	Perturbed
Pessimistic	Petrified	Pitying	Playful
Pleasant	Pleased	Poignant	Positive
Powerless	Preoccupied	Proud	Provoked
Puzzled	Raging	Rancorous	Rapt
Raving	Regretful	Rejected	Relaxed
Relieved	Remorseful	Resentful	Respectful
Ruined	Sad	Sanguine	Satisfied
Scared	Sceptical	Secure	Seething
Serene	Shaky	Shamed	Shocked
Shy	Soiled	Sombre	Sorrowful
Spellbound	Spiteful	Spoiled	Strained
Strong	Stubborn	Stupid	Sulky
Sullied	Sure	Suspicious	Sympathetic
Tainted	Tarnished	Tender	Tense
Terrified	Threatened	Thrilled	Timid
Torn	Tranquil	Triumphant	Troubled
Trusting	Ugly	Uncertain	Uncomfortable
Unconvinced	Understanding	Undetermined	Uneasy
Unforgiving	Uninformed	Uninviting	Unnerved
Unnoticed	Unpredictable	Unreliable	Unsure
Unwanted	Upbeat	Upset	Vacillating
Variable	Vengeful	Vexed	Violated
Volatile	Warm	Wavering	Weak
Worried	Wounded

How to do first person Action Inquiry

Previously, I wrote about what Action Inquiry is, and some of its aims.

I’ve also written about some of the practices that help you notice how you feel and the main check-in (naming how you feel).

Action Inquiry (AI) can work in 3 different arenas:

First person: where you increase your personal integrity by inquiring into your own actions and results.
Second person: where you increase mutuality in relationships with another person.
Third person: where you increase sustainability by inquiring into organizational strategies and actions. (This is a larger We, not to be confused with third person in grammatical rules, where it refers to They.)

Each of these has its own approach, and although each approach is related to the other approaches, they look and feel essentially different.

Today I’m going to share how you can do the First Person AI. Remember, the aim of First Person AI is to increase your personal integrity. Integrity grows by means of regular dynamic evaluations into the gaps between what you plan and what you do, or between how you feel and what you say that you feel, or between what you value and what your actions create. All those sorts of things.

We begin by stretching the limits of our attention into all of the Four Territories of experience. (Inspired by Bill Torbert’s 2004 book, Action Inquiry.)

First territory – the results, outcomes or consequences you observe. This might be your own feelings about what’s happened. We’re quite accustomed to being aware of this, but it still can be challenging when the results are so different from what we wanted.
Second territory – the actions you take, deeds you perform, behaviors, skills, patterns. Essentially, what you DO that leads to your result. Some of this are aware of ourselves in this way. But many of us don’t habitually inquire into what we did to get the outcome we didn’t want.
Third territory – the strategy you’re employing, the overall approach you’re using. Game plans, ploys, your plan about how you’re going to achieve your aims. I think too few of us give any thought to this at all. How many times do you actually sit down and figure out a plan for getting the result you want? (This may be why life coaching is a booming profession!)
Fourth territory – your intention, or vision. Where you place your attention. Your aims. Sadly, we seldom focus our attention here. But doing so is probably the single most powerful things we can do to begin to live a more fulfilled life. How can you get what you want if you spend zero time envisioning your future?

It sort of works in reverse within us. First you have an intention or a vision or a goal (the fourth territory), even if it’s below the level of awareness. Then you decide your strategy for achieving it (the third territory), even if you aren’t aware that you’re doing this. Too often these two territories are below the level of conscious awareness; we give little or no thought at all to what we really really want, or the best way to make it happen. But we act as if we DO know what we’re doing. No wonder then that we end up with what we don’t what and didn’t intend!

From your strategy (the third territory), you determine the action or actions you’re going to take (the second territory), and you have an expectation that this will bring about a certain result or outcome (the first territory).

Overall, the plot unfolds something like this (in a personal example):

My intention was to learn to do Action Inquiry myself, and to become skillful and competent enough that I could teach others how to do it. (That was my fourth territory – my intention or vision or goal.)
I decided that the best way for me to approach this was to form and participate in a regular Action Inquiry group, where members would work together to understand the technique and make the practices habitual. (This was my third territory – my strategy.) My strategy was, more specifically, to find a few like-minded people, people interested in personal development (integral style) and who would be open to learning this new way of being in the world, this new way of deliberately expanding their awareness in their lives with a mind to personal development.
The first action I decided to take was to approach some other coach-consultant colleagues I’d met at a Bill Torbert event, who lived sort of near me, and see if they were interested in setting up such a group. (This was my second territory – the actions I took).
And they WERE interested! Yay! A result! (My fourth territory – the outcome.)

The saga continued from there, and some of the outcomes were NOT what I wanted, so it was an opportunity to inquire into my actions to see what I needed to change. This is where the single-, double- and triple-loop learning comes into play, which I wrote about previously.

We’ll have more about my learning experience later.

So here’s one possible beginning script that you can try right now. Maybe think of a recent situation that didn’t turn out as you wanted it to.

When I first encountered <the situation>, the intention I formed was <what was your main aim?>. In order to realize this intention, I decided the best approach to take would be <what strategy did you decide on?>. From that strategy, I decided the best action for me to take was <what did you DO?>. The result I got was <what was your outcome?>.

If you got what you intended, Well Done!!! If you didn’t, well, a learning opportunity had presented itself to you. Please read about that in Learning Loops.

Related reading: please check out all my articles about Action Inquiry.

Name how you feel – the main check-in

I’ve written previously about some Action Inquiry practices for noticing how you feel:

Once you’re in the habit of noticing how you feel, it’s time to take the next step: naming how you feel in a situation and how it affects you.

We have a simple check-in we use at the beginning of our Action Inquiry meetings (this is from Bill Torbert’s 2004 book, Action Inquiry):

I felt/feel<blank-1> when <blank-2> because <blank-3>.

blank-1: what word best describes the feeling? Try to use just one word. Maybe 2, but usually 1 word.
blank-2: what action, incident or experience evoked the feeling? Briefly describe the situation.
blank-3: what is it that’s important to you that the event affects? Share what it is that this affects in you. A value you hold? a belief in how things ought to be?

Example: I felt discouraged when the conversation once again drifted over to welfare reform, because I have so many other topics to discuss with my Integral Circle friends and we only have so much time together.

Another example: I feel angry when my neighbor’s visitors block my drive, because I believe that it’s considerate (and therefore a good thing) to stay out of other people’s way.

In the first example, I notice in retrospect how I felt when the topic of conversation once again headed toward a topic I was tired of discussing.

In the second example, I notice a general pattern in my reaction to being parked in (or out of!) my own driveway.

This naming exercise helps improve my capability to notice, in a timely fashion, how I feel and why I feel that way. And that helps me more effectively decide what action to take (or if I should take any action at all.)

Try it out for yourself. Think of some time recently when you had a strong feeling. Come on — think of something that always pushes your buttons, or something that touched your heart.

Say it like this: I felt/feel<blank-1> when <blank-2> because <blank-3>.

blank-1: what word best describes the feeling?
blank-2: what action, incident or experience evoked the feeling?
blank-3: what is it that’s important to you that the event affects?

Why not share your results with me? Please leave a comment.

What is Action Inquiry?

Action Inquiry is a systematic, life-long practice to help you learn from your experience. By practicing Action Inquiry, you can increase your personal integrity, your capability to achieve what you want, your capability to work with others more collaboratively toward shared visions, and your use of transformational learning to create a more just and sustainable world.

Definitions of terms

Systematic: Consisting of planned, orderly, repeatable, defined steps

Practice (n): when you perform a technique repeatedly, in an effort to get better at it

Integrity: behaving in a way consistent with your values; lack of a gap between what you intend and what you do, or what you say and what you do, or what you feel and what you say that you feel

Effective: your strategy or actions are effective when the efforts you put in create the results you want

Transformational: it changes the way you see things, not simply the way you DO things

Bill Torbert, in his 2004 book, Action Inquiry, says that practicing Action Inquiry is a way to become:

increasingly capable of making future visions come true
Increasingly alert to the dangers and opportunities of the present moment
Increasingly capable of performing in effective and transformational ways

Action Inquiry has 3 aims

Within the individual, the aim is integrity. Integrity grows by means of regular dynamic evaluations into the gaps between what I plan and what I do, or between how I feel and what I say that I feel, or between what I value and what my actions create. All those sorts of things.
In relationships, the aim is mutuality. When we recognize power differences between 2 people and keep in mind that the use of power can reduce trust and impede honest communication, we’re more able to take creative action toward shared visions and goals, increase collaborative conversations and jointly determined ways of working together to co-create our outcome.
In wider organizations, the aim is sustainability. In order to be sustainable, organizations must create effectiveness, integrity and mutuality to continue growing toward social justice and harmony with the natural environment.

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