I’ve written previously about some Action Inquiry practices for noticing how you feel:
Once you’re in the habit of noticing how you feel, it’s time to take the next step: naming how you feel in a situation and how it affects you.
We have a simple check-in we use at the beginning of our Action Inquiry meetings (this is from Bill Torbert’s 2004 book, Action Inquiry):
I felt/feel<blank-1> when <blank-2> because <blank-3>.
- blank-1: what word best describes the feeling? Try to use just one word. Maybe 2, but usually 1 word.
- blank-2: what action, incident or experience evoked the feeling? Briefly describe the situation.
- blank-3: what is it that’s important to you that the event affects? Share what it is that this affects in you. A value you hold? a belief in how things ought to be?
Example: I felt discouraged when the conversation once again drifted over to welfare reform, because I have so many other topics to discuss with my Integral Circle friends and we only have so much time together.
Another example: I feel angry when my neighbor’s visitors block my drive, because I believe that it’s considerate (and therefore a good thing) to stay out of other people’s way.
In the first example, I notice in retrospect how I felt when the topic of conversation once again headed toward a topic I was tired of discussing.
In the second example, I notice a general pattern in my reaction to being parked in (or out of!) my own driveway.
This naming exercise helps improve my capability to notice, in a timely fashion, how I feel and why I feel that way. And that helps me more effectively decide what action to take (or if I should take any action at all.)
Try it out for yourself. Think of some time recently when you had a strong feeling. Come on — think of something that always pushes your buttons, or something that touched your heart.
Say it like this: I felt/feel<blank-1> when <blank-2> because <blank-3>.
- blank-1: what word best describes the feeling?
- blank-2: what action, incident or experience evoked the feeling?
- blank-3: what is it that’s important to you that the event affects?
Why not share your results with me? Please leave a comment.
Related reading:
- What is Action Inquiry? A brief overview of the intentions and terminology of Action Inquiry
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