I’ve done something this week that I was frightened to do. I felt the fear and did it anyway. And nothing terrible happened. In fact, I ended up having some fun, and feeling pretty good about myself.
Two weeks ago, I won two elections, each one to a seat on a council where I live. One is the district council, the other the parish council. (To my non-UK readers, have you ever seen The Vicar of Dibley? Parish council is pretty much like that. The district council comprises several parishes.) This week I had all the first meetings, full council, committees, groups.
I was scared of going to new places, meeting lots of new people, not knowing where things are or how things work.
It’s somewhat reminiscent of how I was with piano lessons. For awhile now, I’ve wanted to play the piano and make beautiful music. I found an instructor nearby and went to my first lesson. What I quickly remembered was that I don’t like not knowing how to do something. Seriously. I wanted to be able to play the piano. I didn’t want to have to practice and be a beginner. Piano wasn’t meant for me. Or I wasn’t meant for it. Or something. I don’t fully understand it yet. I wasn’t afraid to take lessons. But maybe I was afraid to look foolish?
This pattern has a chance to repeat itself with my current effort to learn to swim properly. Last week, I took my first lesson in about 45 years. When the (kind and encouraging) instructor asked me what my goal was, I pointed to the lady swimming laps smoothly and without a ripple and said, “I want to be able to swim like that.” But so far, it’s not like playing the piano. So far, I’m willing to practice at swimming. I wonder what the difference is? Something about the rewards being potentially great enough to overcome the fear of looking foolish?
So anyway, now some people greet me as Councillor Hallett. It’s quite fun, that.
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Last year, I met a man who shared with me that he had an approach to tackling his fears. He learned that the things he feared weren’t really dangerous, and that he could grow his courage to do the things he feared by keeping track of what he feared, what he did, and the outcome.
He called it his Bravery Journal. I thought that was a super idea, so I started one too.
Whenever I feel that butterflies-in-the-tummy, sweaty-palms, I’d-really-like-to-cancel-out-of-this feeling, I know it’s time to write an entry in my Bravery Journal. I write the date, name the fearful event, and describe what exactly I fear. Then I expect a bit more from myself and go and do the thing I fear. Once I’m done, I come back to my Bravery Journal and write about what happened. It’s usually something really good.
This week, I was scared to go to the first full council meeting. I was worried that I might say or do something that showed my inexperience and that others would think it was a mistake that I was elected (or some foolishness such as that). So I wrote about it in my Bravery Journal, and then I went along to the meeting anyway. That night I met some district officers who offered to help me contribute to our local Save the Library campaign in ways above and beyond what I expected. I went home and wrote that in my Bravery Journal. The next meeting this week wasn’t nearly as scary for me.
Try this the next time you feel frightened, or even if you just think, “I’m going to cancel out of that commitment tonight.” Write the date, name the event, and write a few sentences about how you’re feeling, about what you fear will happen. Then go and do it anyway. (That part is really important. If you don’t go and do it anyway, you’ll never get braver.) After you survive, come back to the Bravery Journal and write about the outcome.
Over time, sometimes a very short time, you’ll get braver, and more willing to say yes to new things, which makes your life richer.
Try it out and tell me about it, won’t you?
Debbie, thanks for sharing this idea. I will definitely try it. I am prone to avoiding things that scare me, and I know this limits my life experience. I’ll keep a little book in my handbag, so that when I’m just about to decide to cancel out of something, I’ll have the book ready for my entry.
Love this.. Deb. I suppose I started my Bravery Journal, when I stepped on a plane an flew to Germany many years ago, age 21.. All by myself . Vaughn( my future husband) was at the other end to meet me ,but I didn’t know anyone else. We were starting a whole new life together. Talk about a clean slate.. I suppose the part I left out was , write it down.
Is it too late to go back and jot down a few of those frightening momentsin my life , that I conquered , or should I just start from NOW ……. age 61??? LOL .
Debby – I thought you were so confident as a new councillor!
Remind me sometime (maybe next week) to tell you about my bravery. Its not very big – but it might need a glass or two of wine.
Oh – and I am a bit scared about the forthcoming “big adventure”!