Most psychological approaches ask us to look at our pain, weaknesses and short-comings, and then implement a plan to improve so that we’ll feel better or be more effective or have more self-esteem. If you take a close look at most models, there is nothing that offers a ‘cure’ for your woes, but only palliative therapies. Removing or reducing the bad stuff is one approach, but it doesn’t seem to me that it’s helpful in leading a fulfilling life. I manage my depression, learn to get past my sad/scared/angry feelings of the past, forgive my perpetrators. But none of that makes me happy, does it?
Dr Martin Seligman decided that he wanted a psychology that helped people to be happy, to lead fulfilling lives, and he invented ‘positive psychology’.
At first he called it ‘authentic happiness’, and focused on happiness-as-a-positive-emotion. But reflection made him realize that this excluded people who weren’t a walking happy face, or were introverted. Like him. And like me.
I’m annoyed when someone, usually a stranger, looks at me and says, ‘Smile!’ I think of myself as pretty serious, not frivolous, and certainly not jolly (in spite of my Facebook photo at the moment). But I feel good about my life, challenged and rewarded, engaged and purposeful, loving and loved. My life is fulfilled.
So Dr Seligman took a deeper look at his subject matter, something I usually appreciate when I encounter it. He came up with a five-point plan for flourishing in life. He called his new book, Flourish.
He look at 5 points to a flourishing life, acronym: P E R M A.
P for Positive Emotions: we need to feel happy, satisfied, grateful, hopeful, loved, amused, content, joyful and all sorts of other positive emotions. These are just some of mine; your list will be different. I want to experience more of these emotions, and fewer of the other sort. Meditation has helped me experience emotions as passing states, and I’ve learned that I can elicit different emotions by thinking different thoughts. How much of your time is spent feeling positive emotions?
E is for Engagement: When I do work in which I feel engaged, I’m completely absorbed, and time flies by. You know the idea of being ‘in the flow’? It’s when you are so engrossed in what you’re doing that you lose awareness of the world around you, your aches and pains, the noisy children next door, your worries and woes. This happens for me when I’m writing. Also when I’m reading a particularly skillfully crafted detective novel. 🙂 Do you love what you spend most of your time doing?
R is for Positive Relationships: (‘P’ was already used.) Our relationships bring us opportunities for growth and development, serve as mirrors of our own character, and let us love and be loved. If you’re challenged to make and keep close friends, heal rifts with family members, or attract and maintain an intimate relationship, this probably gets a lot of your mental and emotional attention. In what ways are you actively seeking to improve your relationships?
M is for Meaning: When there’s a sense that you are doing things for benefit to something beyond yourself, it brings satisfaction. For me, I have a picture of my purpose and I just know when what I’m doing fits snugly into that picture. It doesn’t need a belief in god to know your purpose, although that might be your path. It’s within your heart, and when you discover it or uncover it, you’ll know. There’s a tilt, or a click, as something falls neatly into place. What makes your heart sing? What do people seek you out for? What do you excel at? And where do you get into the flow? All of that hints at your personal meaning in life.
A is for Achievement: We feel good about ourselves when we accomplish what we set out to do. If it also clicks with our sense of purpose, then we get those positive emotions, but we feel particularly good when we’re proud of ourselves. At the end of each year I look back and list what I’ve achieved. The list can get surprisingly long! When I see the list, I feel good about myself and the direction my life is going. How often to you pause to feel that glow of pride when you’ve accomplished what you set out to do? How would it be if you did that more often? Or more deeply?
“At last, psychology gets serious about glee, fun and happiness. Martin Seligman has given us a gift – a practical map for the perennial quest for a flourishing life.”
Daniel Goleman, author of /Emotional Intelligence
“I finished his new book, Flourish, a convert… less an academic or therapeutic enterprise than a game-changing crusade.”
New Scientist
“The reason western policy-makers are excited by Seligman’s approach is that he has apparently found a way to turn the lessons of ancient philosophy into an evidence-backed science”
The Spectator
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Related reading: List of Feeling Words
